R U OK? Day: Why You Should Listen Instead of Trying to Fix the Problem

TEMPO.CO, Jakarta - Conversations about mental health are not always easy, but asking someone how they are doing can be an important first step in helping them feel heard.

Each year on R U OK? Day, Australians are encouraged to check in with friends, family members and colleagues about their mental health. As more workplaces prioritize employee wellbeing, these conversations are increasingly taking place at work, raising questions about what to do when someone opens up about their struggles.

But according to psychologists, knowing exactly what to say is not the most important part of asking, "R U OK?"

Practising Psychologist Sandy Rea told nine.com.au that people should focus on listening rather than feeling pressured to have the right answers.

"I think what often frightens people to ask 'R U OK?' is a belief or feeling that they will not know how to handle the answer or be 'expert' enough to deal with distress," Rea said, as reported by nine.com.au.

She encouraged people to ask the question anyway.

"As a friend, colleague or mate, all you have to do is be a set of ears. Listen, be available. You don't have to have the answers," Rea said.

If someone appears to be at risk of self-harm, she recommended helping them connect with professional support, such as taking them to a GP or contacting Lifeline.

"Just being able to offload a problem carries more therapeutic weight than you may possibly imagine," she said.

Listen Rather Than Try to Fix

Dr Anne Fardell Hartley, Principal Psychologist and an R U OK? Board Member, also encouraged people to trust their instincts when someone does not seem like themselves.

"If a colleague doesn't seem themselves this Thursday (or any day), trust your gut and check in," Dr Fardell told nine.com.au.

People do not need to be trained mental health professionals or have all the answers, she said. Instead, they can ask questions, listen without judgment and let the person know they are available.

"If they're struggling, help connect them with the right support and check in again afterwards," she said.

One common mistake is trying to immediately solve the other person's problem.

"People often jump straight to advice or reassurance instead of simply listening and giving their mate or colleague the space to say what's really going on," Dr Fardell said.

"You don't have to have the right words or an answer. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can give someone is your attention and the space to be heard."

Give Them Space to Talk

Psychologist Zahra Ciardi recommends listening without interrupting and giving the person your full attention.

"Slow down, allow them to speak, make eye contact, put your phone or other distractions away, and be present and curious," Ciardi told nine.com.au.

She suggested using open-ended questions such as, "Tell me more about that?" or "What's been going on?" to encourage the person to continue talking.

Ciardi also advised people not to be afraid of silence.

"Comfortable silence during pauses communicates genuine openness," she said. "You don't have to fill every gap with words or reassurance."

After someone has opened up, Ciardi suggested thanking them for sharing and acknowledging the courage it may have taken to do so.

She also recommended telling them that you would like to check in again in the coming days and getting their agreement to do so.

Don't Wait for a Crisis

R U OK? Day is also intended to encourage people to reflect on their own mental health and seek support when needed.

"It's best not to wait until things become a crisis to ask for help," Dr Fardell said.

When finding a starting point feels confusing, she suggested speaking to a GP, who can help identify appropriate support and resources.

Dr Fardell noted that almost one in two Australians will experience a mental disorder at some point in their lives, while around one in five experience one in any given year.

"This will likely mean some of your colleagues and bosses will have experienced something similar they can identify with," she said.

Many workplaces now offer programs to support employees, but people who are concerned about confidentiality can also seek help outside their workplace.

"Many workplaces today have programs to support their staff, but if you are concerned about your confidentiality, start outside your workplace with your own GP who can help you get on the right pathway," Dr Fardell said.

For Dr Fardell, the broader message of R U OK? Day should extend beyond a single day each year.

She hopes it can serve as an annual reminder to continue checking in with others and creating environments where people feel comfortable asking for help.

"I'd like it to encourage us to carry that curiosity and care into the rest of the year to notice when someone isn't themselves, check in, listen without judgement and create workplaces and communities where asking for help is seen as a strength, not a weakness," she said.

If you or someone you know is in need of mental health support, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 and access resources on the R U OK? Day website. In the event of an emergency contact Triple Zero (000).

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